October 31, 2014

34 Weeks of OHA: #12

Company Name: LG Electronics

How the OHA site classifies them: Handset Manufacturer

What the OHA site says about them: LG, the brand that is Delightfully Smart, is a global leader and technology innovator in consumer electronics, home appliances and mobile communications. LG’s vision is to supply top-of-the-range innovative digital products and services and ensure customer satisfaction.

What they do: They’re a South Korean super company that makes all kinds of electronics stuff and then employs cute little Korean girls to have their photos taken with that stuff (see examples here, here , and here) in order to convince males that if you buy the stuff you might be able to sleep with a cute Korean girl. And they make lots of money doing this (according to Wikipedia, revenue is currently somewhere around $70 billion US dollars per year), because building the electronic devices and paying the Korean girls does not cost as much as guys are willing to pay to own the electronics and dream of sleeping with the Korean girls.

Of course, not all the credit should go to the Korean girls, no matter how cute they are; all indications are that LG makes pretty good electronic stuff. They sure do make a variety of electronic stuff: microwaves, TVs, monitors, USB memory, Home Theater systems, DVD players, computers, MP3 players, karaoke, etc., etc., etc.

Oh, and they make mobile handsets, too. Some very desirable handsets: Chocolate, Prada, Shine. Phones nearly as pretty as the Korean girls that market them. This site has some figures showing LG to be the fifth largest handset manufacturer in the world, which ain’t too bad.

LG is an abbreviation for the literal English translation of the company’s name, Lucky-Goldstar (which sounds more like a brand of cigarettes than an electronics company), the amalgamation of the names of two companies that merged: Lucky, a chemical company, and GoldStar, an appliance manufacturer. They might try to convince you that it stands for “Life’s Good” (life is good, given a sufficient supply of Korean girls), but don’t believe them.

The girls and the electronics have made LG one of the world’s top brands, part of a shift in recent years that has seen Korean companies ascend to a position rivaling those of Japan as a mark of quality in electronics.

What they bring to OHA and Android:

I was having a look at my HTC Windows Mobile handset, and a thought struck me: what this handset really needs more of is cute Korean girls. Built in cute Korean girls; I mean, I could go out and download some Korean girls off the internet and have them everywhere if I wanted, but the convenience of Korean girls straight out of the box cannot be denied. Google and the OHA know this, which is the main reason why LG and their largest Korean girls competitor Samsung are both members. Everyone wins: LG gets the hottest, flashiest new mobile OS on their phones, Android gets an infusion of Korean girls, and the consumer gets both.

Who can deny the appeal of a Korean girl: they look nice, they dress well, they probably smell good (I once tried to confirm this supposition, and experience for myself the pleasant smell of a Korean girl, but all I got for my trouble was a handbag in the face and a restraining order placed against me.) Furthermore, Korean girls speak Korean, and I would imagine a good portion of them have Tae Kwon Do skills, as well, both handy to have on your side during the forthcoming Dark Times.

The three biggie handset manufacturers in the OHA–Samsung, Motorola, and LG—represent sales figures that rival those of Nokia; Nokia and its little puppy Symbian are the monster badass in the mobile world that Android must go up against. Furthermore, LG specifically seems to have the design chops necessary to pull eyes away from the oh-so-beautiful-though-oh-so-locked-down iPhone (the Shine, anyone?).

LG has indicated that it will release its first Android handset in late 2008 or early 2009. Korean girls included.