Breaking News! Steve Jobs to Apple Shareholders: “iPhone is a bust, Android FTW!!!”

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Can I borrow a different shirt, please?

Thursday, April 1st 2010 – Cupertino, California – Early this morning in an unprecedented email to Apple Shareholders, Apple CEO Steve Jobs shares vital information regarding the iPhone and it’s future. In an AndroidGuys exclusive, our source has forwarded us the following email which we believe is authentic:

From: “Steve Jobs <[email protected]>”

To: “Shareholders Group <[email protected]>”

Subject:  LOL! Nexus One FTW! ROFLBBQ!

So, I got my Nexus One from Eric the other day when we were out for coffee… and I’ve gotta say, this thing kicks ass. I’ve got myself one of those new 32GB cards LOADED with all of those “inappropriate type” apps that we turned away from the App Store, and I got them all for free! As a matter of fact, I’m sending this email from my Nexus right now… LOL! So, get out while you can. I’m a fan and as of this moment we’re going to stop work on the iPhone software and port Android over to the new iPhone 3D. Oh, and we’re gonna sell it unlocked to.

I’ve decided that instead of being a ruthless dictator I’m going to let our customers do whatever they want with the products that they buy from us. There’s just no way we can compete by overcharging for a sub standard experience when there is a totally open source product out there that is just so much better!

OK, I’m going to use the navigation on this thing for the first time to find myself the nearest tattoo joint and have that cute little green android inked onto my right butt cheek, right next to Sergey’s signature.

PEACE!!!

That’s right, folks! You read it here first. What does this mean for the Apple Fanboys? Where will the hipsters turn to next to get the latest and greatest fashion accessory? Reply with your ideas in the comments!

Hmm... what if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about?
(Author comment: This is a joke. A parody. If you don’t get it or think that I was actually serious, go to the store a buy a clue. Happy April Fools Day, people.)

23 COMMENTS

    • Understand that there is the possibility some apple troll could wander in here and take it as fact.

      The zombies for brains shareholders could just as easily apply to most Apple consumers as well. Lol

  1. As much as this story half mirrors some dream like fantasies I have had, Scott hits on (and of course mocks) a deep and sad truth here. The reality of Apple's success is largely due to the hipster "consumer group". Please not how I used the term consumer group and not movement or sub culture as that would give the assumption that it has respect or ultimately meaning.

    This is actually a really interesting phenomenon and I would strongly encourage all those interested to read a very compelling and informative article written back in '08 on the subject. http://www.newser.com/story/66815/latest-hipster-

    Favorite part (other than the sergey signed Android butt tattoo) was the hokey pokey thought Jobs was having in the last picture. xD

  2. Almost had me until he started ragging on the iphone experience and talked about being a dictator. Rofl nice one! I wish. It woulda been a great shot at all the arrogant iphone people I know

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